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Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Chit-Chat Series


Here comes the first conversation of Chit-Chat Series!! I hope you enjoy reading these..

Infographic Credits: Created by me on Piktochart.

Monday, 21 December 2015

Mother by Choice, Singled by Society!



Mother by Choice, Singled by Society!
Published on Soulgasm on 12th December, 2015.


1997:

Mrs. Saha: I have left that house Baba and Ma. I had no other option left.

Father: What? But why beta? This is a very big decision. You can’t just take it like that. You should think about the consequences that would follow. What about your children’s future?

Mrs. Saha: That is the reason I have stepped out of that mess Baba. My kids deserve a much better life and the best education within our limits though. Had it been only me I would have still adjusted, oops, compromised further. But I can’t let these little beings suffer out of no fault of theirs.

Mother: Oh no no..Are you saying that you are going to get a divorce? No no..What will our relatives say? And our neighbors? Your father has a good reputation over here. People look up to him as the most generous doctor and you want to ruin that? How could you even think of taking such a big step without even discussing with us? We have given you the freedom to marry the person of your choice. Now it’s your responsibility to keep that going! Girls need to make sacrifices and adjustments. Pull yourself together and again go back to your regular life with him.

Mrs. Saha: (appalled by her parents’ reactions) You know everything that have been going wrong in my marriage so far and I can’t believe my ears when you say these things Ma! You have never tried to get me out of the mess I have been. And now when I have been courageous enough to take this step, instead of supporting me you are telling me to go back to that hell again? Is that all that you have to offer?

Father: (silent mode).

Mother: It was your choice Mitu. Now look every marriage has its own baggage of problems. At least he is not beating you up. May be he doesn’t want you to go out in the world and work. But that’s good na! Look he is so concerned about you. And I know may be he is not as ambitious as you are regarding your children’s education but is there a rule that every child has to be convent educated? That should not come in the way of your marriage Mitu.

Father: (silent mode)

Mrs. Saha: Wow Ma! I refuse to take all your wrong justifications. Yes he was my choice and I agree that this marriage is a blunder. But was there any guarantee that had it been you and Baba choosing my groom it wouldn’t have gone wrong? Don’t I deserve your support for the right things and at this most difficult juncture of my life? I refuse to buy your argument of me not allowed to work in order to give my children a better education. He is nothing but a male chauvinist, a typical man with a huge male ego not wanting her more competent wife to have her own money and financial independence. I trusted him Ma. But more than him you and Baba have wronged me. If I have to walk on this path alone, so it be.

2000:

Landlord: So how many people are going to stay here?

Mrs. Saha: Three of us.

Landlord: Okay! That’s fine. So it’s you, your husband and your child I guess!

Mrs. Saha: No. It’s me and my two kids. (She pointed to her 13 year old daughter with her toddler son barely sitting on her sister’s lap and busy showing his adorable antics).

Landlord: (with raised eyebrows and curiosity overflowing from his facial expressions) and your husband? Oh he might be out stationed due to work I suppose.

Mrs. Saha: No Mr. Roy Chowdhury. I am divorced. So it would be me and my kids residing here only. Any further questions you have? If not, then can I have a look at the bathroom please?

Landlord: (being obviously hesitant; obvious because of societal policies so far) actually there are other parties who want to take this on rent too. And they are offering a bit more also as rent. So…I mean you can have a look but...

Mrs. Saha: But you don’t want to finalize this with me today or rather not at all right? That’s fine! I understand your problem and I know it’s not money that is stopping you. Anyways I hope you get the right tenants.

They got a house finally, after several similar encounters with varieties of landlords, as they found her landlady in an old lady disowned by their children. It was a symbiotic agreement with Mrs. Saha, as the landlady found her family in them, apart from finding the tenants.

***

2005:

Mr. Rajat Sen: Maithili the proposal you have written is really good and it clearly shows your hard work. Well done!

Mrs. Saha: Thank you Rajat. I am glad that you finally liked my work.

Mr. Rajat Sen: Oh no! You are embarrassing me now. I have always liked your work. Bas I have been pushing you a bit as I am well aware of your expertise.

She was just about to leave flashing her soothing smile when he spoke again.

Mr. Rajat Sen: So..hmmm…I was just wondering whether you would be free today evening. Just for a cup of coffee you know..

Mrs. Saha: Oh I am afraid Rajat that my evenings are only for my kids. They are understanding enough to manage a lot on their own especially my daughter. Poor her, she has to take care of her super naughty brother also. Sorry Rajat.

Mr. Rajat Sen: Oh! That’s okay. Then I can drop you home today and on the way we can have coffee. It will not eat up your evening also. Is that fine?

Mrs. Saha: Hmm. Actually it’s not that I can’t come with you. It’s just “I don’t want to come with you”. Just because I am single it doesn’t mean that I am available and that too easily. You have asked me several times before also and my answer is still the same. I am very content with my life and my kids. Having coffee with you, that way you want it, will not give me any joy. Having a cup of coffee with you, just we have usually, at our cafeteria while discussing our work and life is far more cherishable to me. Nothing more than that. I am sorry Rajat if it hurt you but I needed to make myself clear and loud.

Mr. Rajat Sen couldn’t speak anything else. Mrs. Saha was not sure whether he was surprised, awestruck by her confident revelation or angry at her, that day. But things were again back to normal between them from the next day at her office. And yes, this episode was indeed the last one with respect to Mr. Sen but similar encounters still happened in her life.

***

2012:

Mrs. Saha: May I come in Mrs. Chakroborty?

Principal: Yes please.

Mrs. Saha: Good morning Ma’am. I would not waste your time as I see how busy you are. I just had a small request to make.

Principal: Oh yes! This admission time every year make me go ballistic. Ya tell me!

Mrs. Saha: I want to incorporate my name as my son’s guardian in the admission form for her class XI admission here.

Principal: Well Mrs. Saha, since your son is a continuing student in our school we have just passed on the same information that we had previously. And as a matter of fact there is only “Father’s name” option in the form. That can’t be changed.

Mrs. Saha: But why an uncaring father who has forsaken all his responsibilities towards his children would be tagged as my son’s guardian when he is not actually? There should be some way that my name can be fitted in. I am his guardian and thus by all fare means all his certificated should carry my name and not his unconcerned father. I am sure you can do something. After all you are the principal of this school Mrs. Chakroborty.

Principle: Cool down Mrs. Saha. I completely understand your turmoil and your logic is absolutely justified. I agree with you. We had a case like this before also. I had taken it to the higher authorities of the school. But they were unmoved. They don’t want to fall out of the norms of the patriarchal society. You would be even more surprised to know that their counter argument was that these cases are very few and exceptions and thus the basic rules need not to be changed for them. The legacy should continue.

Mrs. Saha: But that’s wrong. Even my children don’t want to have their father’s name anywhere in their certificates. Even if cases like this are few but still they exist. They need to be treated differently and sensitively. How can they behave like this?

Principal: I know Mrs. Saha. But this is it and we have no choice other than accepting this. Sometimes the time is just not right for a change to occur. Changing a “Father’s name” to “Guardian’s name” is just not a change of format of the admission form or certificate but it also requires a huge change of people’s mentality and the way this society works. May be people are not ready for this change right now. But I just can hope, not sure though, that you are the last person in a situation like this I am saying no to.

She came out of the principal’s office that day with a heavy heart and a potpourri of complaints to god and the society that she was forced to live in. But at least she tried before finally being forced to give in. She tried for her son and, few years back, also for her daughter but only to see her attempts dying ruthlessly and the extremely unfair norms and rules surviving gloriously.

***

2014:

Potential Groom’s father: Am I talking to Mrs. Saha?

Mrs. Saha: Yes speaking.

The father: I just came across your advertisement in Anandabazar Patrika (Bengal’s leading newspaper) in the matrimonial section. You are looking for a suitable boy for your daughter is it?

Mrs. Saha: Oh yes. That’s right. So you are..

The father: I am the potential boy’s father, Mr. Sinha. I am a retired professor of history and my wife is a homemaker. My son is in USA and is on the verge of completing his PhD in the University of Maryland (his tone gave a clear indication that he was boasting about his son). He would be heading for a post-doc soon after defending his thesis. We are looking for an equally competent life-partner for him and your daughter fits in very well as of now.

Mrs. Saha: That’s a very impressive profile Mr. Sinha! Well you already know from the Ad that my daughter is working in a reputed R&D organization as a scientist after completing her post-graduation from IIT Kharagpur. I have raised her and her brother single-handedly and this is something that you should know beforehand. I am a single mother and if you have any issue with it then let’s not talk further.

The father: (paused) Oh no no. Absolutely not! So sorry. It must have been very difficult for you (in a very irritatingly sympathetic tone).

Well, we are only interested in your daughter and her compatibility with my son. That’s it. That you are a single mother is just a piece of information to me and nothing more than that. That’s fine with us.

Mrs. Saha: Okay. Good to hear that Mr. Sinha. I beg your pardon but there is nothing to be sympathetic about. I will text you my email id and please share yours too. Send in your son’s photograph and details by email and I will reply to you with the details of my daughter. Things will follow their own course then. Is that okay?

The father: Oh sure. I will just text you right away. Talk to you soon Mrs. Saha.

He hung up the phone and most importantly the email id was not texted back to her, let alone the mail. Not that she was eagerly waiting for it as this was not the first time this happened. With every passing telephonic conversations like these her feelings changed from sadness to anger to finally reducing to amusement. She started having pity for these people and the double standards they maintained effortlessly.

***


These were very few of the events that happened in my Mom, Mrs. Saha’s life. These are just a handful of situations that she had to face for only one reason; her marriage had gone bad and she was divorced. But isn’t it better to have a divorce and have a fresh start rather than dealing with a bad marriage on a daily basis? Isn’t it completely an individualistic choice to choose one’s own path of life and deal with it independently, and not just unwillingly go the conventional way? Why being a single mother, getting divorced, is such a big taboo? My Mom being a single mother left no stone unturned to give us a life that she always wanted us to have: a very good education and not just literacy, a non-judgmental, free and ethical environment to grow up and a strongly infused belief that if we want to achieve something then sky is the limit. She dug in her heels in order to be a successful mother and an entrepreneur herself. And no, she is not a mother and father folded into the same person. She is my mother only period. To me, my father just lend his sperms to my mother and not an iota more than that. Throughout her life so far she has fought in every arena to let others know her opinions clearly - be it convincing her parents, handling a filthy landlord, politely but sternly refusing an ogling male office colleague, requesting a strict principal to have the right of guardianship or confronting a conventional hypocritical father of a potential groom. On my journey with my Mom we have mostly encountered people who either had derogatory or sympathetic feelings for us. But we also had met people who hold my Mom in high esteem just the way I do. We discarded the former and kept the latter close to our hearts. It is the latter kind of people who made us feel that we are no exceptions but just like you. Indeed there is nothing to feel awkward about this. It was just a bad chapter in her life that she elegantly teared off and moved ahead to carve a niche for herself and us. And as far as people’s perception is concerned, the problem lies in them. My Mom is not a social reformist and it’s not her job to go around and change their views for the better. Their perception carries the signature of their poor mentality and let it be. Not everyone has the power to cut somebody some slack you know. I don’t know what role education plays if educated people make “single motherhood” a taboo. 18 years have passed and mentality wise nothing has changed. We are ready to give these people time, but given that, are they ready to change? It’s high time they should go for a mentality makeover otherwise these kind of people will in no time would find themselves standing beside the dinosaurs on the other side of life.

Since she is not a star her story is confined to me, my brother and few close ones. But to me she is no less than a celebrity and I feel this needed to be told. Today whatever little I have achieved it is because of her one right decision which was wrong, perhaps, to the entire world. I am proud of her for who she is and what she has made me. I am proud to be her daughter, a “single mother’s daughter”.

Sunday, 15 November 2015

Sunday, 8 November 2015

Gift of Love.


"Ferrero Rocher, the bigger box", Raj replied to the shopkeeper.
Shopkeeper: Sure sir. I will get that for you.
Within seconds she got him a box of the most delectable form of hazelnuts. 
Raj: Please get this gift wrapped. I will be back in a minute.
Shopkeeper: Sir, the next shop is closed. You will get the similar flowers on the opposite lane.
Raj: Oh I see. Thank you! Don't forget the red ribbon around the gift! 
Shopkeeper: Absolutely not sir, not even the "Megha" in-scripted gift card.
Raj smiled and left for the flower shop. 
Like every other month, Raj was there in her shop to get the gift. It was either chocolates, coffee mugs, Parker pensor some other stuff that generally girls adore. Every time she not only tried to guess the probable occasion he used to gear up for every month, but also the role of "Megha" in his life. Her common perception of relationships has let her conclude that she was her girlfriend and he used to celebrate their "first meet" or "first kiss" or some other anniversary every month. But before her endeavor with the meandering thoughts could come to the inference stage, Raj came back as usual. And the beautiful sunflowers held by him were eagerly waiting to reach their destination.
Shopkeeper: Here is your packet! You need to pay Rs. 555.
He hurriedly took the gift and the balance was left with her. She managed to catch a glimpse of him smiling at the gift held in his hand, while leaving. She started thinking from where she stopped.
He drove his car and within fifteen minutes reached the car parking area of his complex. Just before getting out of the car, he took the chocolate box clad in a printed gift wrapping paper and wrote on the gift card after the word Megha, "my sexy wife, let PERIODS make you cranky but the chocolates, and flowers along with my love will work wonders. Love you!"
This surely didn't cross the shopkeeper's mind till now.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Who are you????


It was Friday evening, she was on her way to home, a bit late though for her obvious reasons. But still she would be on time at home, as that was what people at her home knew her office used to get closed at. Intelligent or more appropriately, clever girl. The adjective "clever" has a negative connotation that gives a clear indication about the intentions of the person concerned though. As she took a turn into the bylane leading to the bus stand, she heard the footsteps behind her which dwindled to inaudible sounds within five minutes. May be someone random was walking down the lane who took the left turn that she crossed by. But she heard them again that forced her to glance over her shoulders every four steps. Her heartbeat raised to a level where it could even burst out! The increasing sounds clearly indicated that the person was coming closer and closer to her. She finally gathered the left over courage to confront with the follower and turned around. OOPS!! power cut and nothing clearly was visible. She could only see a hazy image of a tall, well-built guy with a hat and an over-coat, similar to suspicious characters in her favorite Sherlock Holmes series. 
She: What are you up to? Why the hell are you following me?
Guy: Why do you think I am following you?
She: (outrageously but scared) Do not ask questions instead of answering me. It is clear that you have been following me past last three blocks. What do you want?
Guy: So when you have realized it, let me tell you I have been always following you.
She: (Shocked) What? Since when?
Guy: Since you have started cheating on your husband by having an affair with your boss that too just because of getting a bloody promotion at office. Rather, since you have started cheating on both on them. No..I am sorry, even before that.
She: Okay! I see! So Raj has finally hired a spy. Wow..How much money is he giving to you for this shameful act?
Guy: I don't need anybody to hire me lady. It's not your husband. He is not even aware of your shameful act of cheating on him yet. And didn't you hear "even before that" phrase???
She: What do you mean?
Guy: I have been following since you have been taking money from your poor mother for false reasons only to have fun with your friends; and she was working as a maid to give you the basic educational needs.

She: How do you know all these things? What do you mean by that you are not hired by anyone? Is this your way to blackmail random people?
Guy: I know you might be thinking I am a part of some secret gang of blackmailers but I am not. 
She: Then who are you?
Guy: I am KARMA! I saw you doing everything bad and good. But remember "what goes around, comes around." 
The power was resumed and there was nobody. She was scared till death and couldn't move an inch for almost five minutes. 

Thursday, 15 October 2015

They are PROSTITUTES and not CRIMINALS!


It's time! It's time for Ma Durga's homecoming and so is the time for Bengalis settled across various parts of the globe to gear up to show to the world their traditional paglu genes. It's time again for the crazy rush in ticket booking agencies for the last minute tatkaal tickets to Calcutta, oops Kolkata and each train from different parts of India directed to Bengal literally getting converted to "Bengal Express". It's time again for the trained salesmen to tackle the overwhelmingly untrained crowd at every famous or not-so-famous shopping mall, for the Bengali or even non-Bengali boyfriends and hubbies to stand for long hours outside the trial room for nodding a yes or a no to their Bengali partners' dresses. And most importantly it's time again for the doting yet super adorable Bengali moms to shower their love on their children in the form of cooking all possible delectable and lip-smacking food; trust me they are truly responsible for all those extra kilos of ours and not our greed! After all our all "being on diet and controlling" wala hormones succumb when you are presented with so many varieties of tempting food..Not at all our fault..As the countdown for the most awaited celebration in Bengal to start, slowly reaches its fag end, Kolkata as well as its people get ready for the transformation worth remembering. But unfortunately it's time again for the residents of a trivial yet noteworthy part of Kolkata to feel secluded, neglected and insignificant beings. The city of joy clad in blinding scintillating lights, embellished with deafening cacophony and blessings of Durga Ma along with her cohorts somewhere fail to do justice to everyone living there. Somewhere it draws a prominent border beyond which the glitter and the joy of the city's festivity does not reach. The border clearly divides the place between the privileged and the non-privileged ones. Where on one front the rich, upper middle-class and the lower middle-class as well as the poor have their share of celebrations dictated naturally by their economic freedom, the other part of the border restricts their inmates from inclusion into the former not due to economic conditions but their profession and sins. Yes they are the inmates of brothels, the prostitutes who are man-made entities. They are being used by the so called gentlemen constituting the upper and middle strata of the fake and frivolous society(residing on the privileged side of the border) for their uncontrollable sexual desires and then are thrown away by paying back a nominal amount. And wow they think that is all they deserve. For god sake it's high time that people recognized the very fact that they are human beings whom these filthy people have given birth too and not criminals. Then why

should they be deleted from these celebrations related to Durga Ma and other deities. She doesn't discriminate between anyone?! Rather she refuses to be created by man (idol making) without a handful of soil being BEGGED from the prostitutes of nishidhho pallis (forbidden teritorries) of Shonagachi, Asia's largest red-light area. Now it's up to you to decide the reason behind this: whether the soil is auspicious as it carries the piety and virtue left while men entering the brothel or it's Durga Ma's conspiracy to teach us to include them too in her worship.

It's time for men to be men and for women to not only shout out loud with slogans of feminism but be a feminist!!!

Saturday, 22 August 2015

My Wall!

My Wall!
I can scribble anything here,
I don't have to fear.
My expressions would give you a surprise,
And, who cares, let the hackles rise.
Let every damn emotion get naked,
If you wan't to hate me, let me get hated!
But now, I will only stop if death strikes me,
Till then, let me go on a voyage to find the real me.
Love
Sayantani....

Wednesday, 12 August 2015

In the end it doesn’t even matter!














As Gautam, was waiting anxiously at the Mandap to get hitched, Amaya left him at the altar! She absolutely lived up to the expectations of her closed ones; they, who have been well accustomed to her off-beat actions, so far. Rather, this time she has just outdone herself.






Amaya, a smart, strong and independent woman as Gautam describes her, was beautiful in her own way. She was one of those “ready to become extinct” rare species to whom emotional security topped the priority list. There was no dearth of love and emotions in her heart. She was a pure soul. She never did things to prove anything to the world neither she sailed in the mainstream world. Philosophical discussions used to drive her forward in life. It was one of those sessions over coffee at Connaught Place, Delhi, that he met Gautam, the ‘cute but silent movie type” guy. But the silence couldn’t hide his asset – he was full of the milk of human kindness!






Gautam, an academician by profession but a passionate philosopher. He was a true emotional being and that used to get highly reflected in his writing, rather “scribbling” as he often mentioned them as. He was a horse of different colour at his work too. His approach to any problem, technical or non-technical, was what set him apart from everyone around. He was indeed an old head on young shoulders.


It was not love at first sight for them. It was not Gautam’s extraordinary intelligence or Amaya’s outstanding ethnic dressing sense or beauty that brought them close! It was the abstract, unexplainable yet very strong emotional connect they felt for each other, that laid the foundation; the foundation for a great relationship in the making. Yes, the other tangible factors were just “icing on the cake” for them, which went unnoticed! They were not kids and thus they were not “head over heels in love” with each other immediately. It grew with time. It grew even stronger when Amaya’s asthma attacks were as painful to Gautam as they were to her; when he used to ignore his perennial gastric problems due to late meals just to have lunch together with her; or when Amaya used to erase the expressions of the painful migraine from her soothing face to roam around with him on sultry sunny days. Even her rejection of her “the dream job” at Germany came very easily to her and she surprised herself big time. But nothing was mentioned to him as a piece of sacrifice for the emotionally rich relationship. Neither Gautam uttered a single word when he didn’t take up the challenging project that would have surely paved the way to his promotion; being partners in crime with Amaya on her dream trip to Europe was what paved the way to his content heart! The very presence of Amaya was making him witness the external manifestations of his emotional being. She was unknowingly medicating his commitment phobia.


It was after the Caferati session that they managed to get two seats in the overwhelmingly crowded CCD that the most awaited conversation started.


Amaya asked him: “How would you define me in a sentence?”


Gautam was silent. He was looking deep into her beautiful eyes and was hoping she gets the answer from the interpreter of his soul, his eyes.


She said: “I know! I understand things about you that you yourself cannot explain so far!


As she finished her line and sipped her coffee, he knew he was ready. On the way to her home, he finally decided to bare his heart to her and not to keep a stiff upper lip anymore.


Gautam spoke: “Will you keep on understanding those unexplainable things about me all your life? Will you take care of my emotional requirements lifelong?”


Her “wishful and hearty yes” was written all over her face but she was finding it very difficult to utter any word. The beauty of the moment reduced to Amaya’s horrifying asthma attack. She was rushed to hospital in his arms. That was a black night for them. It was even worse for her as she couldn’t get the chance of telling it to him - “Yes. I will.” She thought after her emergency treatment and a short nap she will open her eyes in a new world. A world of new dreams, a new beginning with Gautam. Yes she did open her eyes to be in a new world, completely unknown to her. The world of Cancer. While she woke up after four days, she was diagnosed with Lung cancer in that duration. The regular as well as severe asthma attacks have led tochronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) long back which remained undiagnosed due to sheer negligence; lack of diagnosis and thus ignorance let cancer peep in her body. It seemed to wipe out all the emotions, dreams and the new beginning for Amaya. She was shattered as she got this news from Gautam. The ever so talkative Amaya was running short of words for the first time. But Gautam couldn’t remain silent anymore. He couldn’t see her groaning inwardly. He said, “We are walking down the aisle together in two weeks and I am sorry Amaya, you don’t have a choice! I know you are dying to be called Mrs. Amaya Roychowdhuri.” As he winked and bent down to kiss her, she couldn’t help but reduced to tears. She said, “Look at the brighter side Gautam, you don’t have to bear my tantrums for long!” and a faint smile brightened up her saddened face. They shared their first kiss that day. This was not how Amaya dreamt of her first kiss with Gautam! But it seemed perfect to her.






As there was a sudden buzz at the wedding and the happiness vanished at the blink of an eye, Gautam didn’t look moved; He was not as shocked as expected. Somewhere down the line he knew Amaya would lose the boldness that Gautam fell in love with. It was evident from her sad and worried eyes at Tanishq during their wedding jewelry hunt, when she asked him “Right after marriage, I would be going for my chemo instead of our honeymoon; I would go bald very soon. I would look miserable na? How will you handle all these Gautam? Why do you want this at all?” He understood that the “cancer feeling” was infusing into her as fast as it can get. She was losing her all confidence as negativity engulfed her from all sides. Her unconventional philosophies of life, emotional being and love filled heart, all were fighting hard with the baggage of cancer but were getting defeated badly. He just said “certain things are to be answered by time. The beauty of those replies are manifold!” But deep down he knew, without her, he was nothing any more. He felt hollow, incomplete and useless without her. Her depletion from his life had the power of making him go crazy; her disease was nothing compared to it. Changes in her appearance could never damage her inner beauty which he has always longed for. He believed in quality not quantity. Even if he knew Amaya would hardly live for a year or two, he also knew that would be the best time of his life. The memories that he would gather would be enough to drive him forward and keep him going after her demise. He was courageous!






But Amaya couldn’t second his thought. She couldn’t live up to her set courage standards. She failed. As she waited at the airport for her flight, she thought she freed Gautam from all the pain. She was in immense pain herself though. “He doesn’t deserve this lifelong misery? He deserves a very good life. Although our journey ends here, no one can snatch away my feelings for him. He has to move on. I am sorry that I love you too much to hurt you all your life.” She misinterpreted his silence for the first time. She thought he was sacrificing for her. First time she followed her brain but not heart and she was highly wrong.






As she sat there with a heavy heart, her mobile rang. It was Gautam. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her fingers trembled to touch the phone. She accepted the call.


Gautam: “Amaya, you forgot your medicines back home. I am waiting outside the airport. Come and take them. And how dare you leave without saying goodbye to me?


I am waiting.” His voice didn’t reflect an iota of anger or hatred for her. It was all love, care and concern. He managed to put her in a state of awe once again. He managed to reduce her in tears all over again.






She knew she did a big mistake. As she was gliding to the airport exit, lost in her mixed feelings, a song reached her ears, “In the end it doesn’t even matter”. It reached her heart.

Sunday, 9 August 2015

It's Unconventional!



Chapter 1.
 Realizations..

A rain soaked day; a day longed for, during sultry summers in a city like delhi; a cup of coffee, a plate full of non-healthy junk food, a healthy mind and a couch…the perfect Sunday morning that was much more than what Mithi asked for. As she sat on the couch, with elan, in her “most relaxing place”, her balcony, her eyes gazing at the rain soaked streets and the people drenched in the rain, her eyes didn’t reflect the exhilaration of the morning. They looked terribly sad. There was a longing, a pain in them.
She knew, deep in her heart, that she has to face it today. This is the day that she avoids, she fears, she wants to run away from. This is the day that she wishes “kaash life mein UNDO button hota”. This is the day her traditional and societal values, her sense of duty, her womanhood, her very being and identity of a married woman , all fall weak in front of her actual identity, Mithi. Her all fights to hide and suppress the feeling of “who she actually is and what she actually wants” which were all nicely wrapped with translucent layers of duties and value systems, gifted by the hypocrisy and double standards of the society, become bare and naked. They seem to be ugly thoughts. It was nature’s conspiracy when the raindrops outside washed out all those layers from her mind and heart. Yes, this is the day when your heart overpowers your brain. This is the day, Mithi feels weak in her knees; she feels that everything in her life is so right yet something is so terribly wrong. She feels that she is wronged. She knows she is spot on.
As the feelings took over, she gave in. She wanted to give in. She was losing the grip on herself. Those unconventional realizations of materialistic world versus emotional needs started growing. She asked herself “merely signing a paper, exchanging vows witnessed by hundreds of people, can’t enforce bonding, emotional connection or understanding? It just finds you a subject with whom you can think of finding the above or rather “exercising” them as today’s smart people put it! And what if the bonding that you were trying so hard to stitch with all your emotions, loves and sacrifices turn out to be a “house of cards”? What if the very feeling “love” escapes out of the so called relationship? What if you get gradually tired of the relationship, the turmoil associated with it, but the bitterness, ignorance, misunderstandings and misinterpretations keep growing, instead of fading away? Doesn’t the value system of “just holding on” for the sake of society evokes a feeling like “I will never do that even if it’s the last thing on earth to survive”? Does it actually serve the purpose to put it on the “life support” till time ends, although “emotionally” the relationship is dead?” All these doubts in her mind spoke volumes about her relationship and her current emotional state of mind.
She was not getting the answers so easily! After all, she took four years to gather the most awaited and long forgotten courage and boldness, which were synonymous to her very being at some point of her life, to question her current state of life, her relationship with Arya, and her identity. She hated it when somebody used to address her as Mrs. Sen; she never probed into it to find out the reason why! But today is the day that she probably knows why! To her, the vermilion powder doesn’t mean that she is taken but it symbolizes her emotional attachment to the person in her life and thus her non-availability to any other guy. But what if that foundation is defied?

At least she finally questioned, deep down. She was not just literate but educated enough to understand, that to find answers in life, you first need to formulate the right questions. And she did that today. She just hopes she doesn’t take another four years to find the answers, to find a direction in her life and to take a decision. Although she was on the verge of finishing her “gigantic mug of coffee”, it failed to dissolve the lump in her throat!

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

A cup of coffee...

I am sure the question in your mind right now is "Why a cup of coffee makes it to the title, of all things? Whats there in it...a cup full of hot milk, a tablespoon of coffee powder and two cubes of sugar!!! The last thing a thoughtful, emotionally driven, fantasizing writer would write about?!"..
OOPS!!! Hold on...What if its an amalgamation of a cup of coffee with a mug of ideas, a de-stresser couch, a pinch of positivity and an enthusiast, a dynamo, a "mover and shaker". It's not a regular cup of coffee anymore.. It's not the regular CCD "Devil's Own with chocolate sauce" anymore...It's at odds with the routine "chitchat cum gossip" wala sessions over coffee...
Yes..for the first time you may actually feel "a lot can happen over coffee"..as CCD tags it correctly..
It can open a "Pandora's box" for you...you just need to grab and absorb the right things out of it..
It can translate an arduous dream into a "piece of cake"..you just need to fathom the possibilities and take a chance..
Yes.. it has the power of proving to be a game changer when you look at it at a later point in your life, when you connect the dots but only after all the dots pop up..

it was "a cup of coffee" for me..For you it can be anything..a walk at the lonely riverside, a tour at the art museum, that beggar at the roadside, a "Rang De Basanti" movie..anything...What it needs is your comprehension...
Take your time...but till the right time...be alert! You will find it out for sure!! You will find out the "Real You"...

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

That's Ma for us...

There was no place for me
But there was your heart
There were no clothes to wear
But there was your warmth
There were no luxuries to enjoy
But there was your love
There was no god for me
There were you....

Sunday, 14 June 2015

the indelible peck!


He touched her face
He held her in his arms
Her lips touched his
She touched his soul
And he knew, it was an indelible peck
He knew it was the start of an era
He knew he already melted
He knew all his attempts to be withheld from affection, failed
He knew he could never get detached from her
She knew, for him, it was only her.

Flashback!!!!

He said " I am afraid that I have dreams to achieve, but not you,
                I have miles to go but not with you,
                I have feelings for you, but not that strong to pursue,
                I want to stretch my hands to the new, but not to hold you."
She said "You may have 1000's other options, but I have only you,
                 I have the rest of my life but only to wait for you."

10 years have passed. Time has evolved and so has situation.
He was sitting by her side, silently touching her face with his warm finger tips and caressing her "ever so beautiful pitch black hair".

He whispered " I wish I could travel back in time,
                          I wish I could undo my life,
                          I wish I would have felt then what I am feeling now,
                          I wish I would have stretched my arms, only to hold you,
                          That 10 years I have spent only fighting my fears,
                          That I have come back but only to see you in tears"
She said nothing. She could say nothing. But she listened to his words that she yearned to hear for so long, as tears rolled down her pale cheeks.

But she could say nothing. She was busy taking her few last breaths.
                

Thursday, 4 June 2015

A trip meant for bonding!!!!a lot more..

A deep thought while sitting on the couch, with a jumbo mug of coffee and a pinch of loneliness, sometimes evoke realizations that were hibernating for so long. And the irony is that they were hibernating in our subconscious mind, an integral part of us only. May be these realizations pop up now and then, but they are too subtle to be heard; too tiny to deserve any attention by us. In this battle of "our oblivion towards them versus their urge for getting recognition" they easily get knocked out. They dive deep into that dark unexplored zone of our subconscious mind, only to surface once again. But their constant efforts, that secretly increases by leaps and bounds, sometime do win and we give in. Thank God, we give in. It is this defeat, that often gifts us with the most memorable and precious moments of our lives. It is due to this defeat, that the realizations get converted into actions and we are the winners!

Life is a typical rat race, an ecstatic journey! But have we ever thought that the major chunk of it is dedicated to fulfill our career oriented aspirations and for literally running and slogging for getting what we crave for? Not stopping for anything, not for anyone. This is how we look at it right now. Well, life demands this sort of an attitude nowadays. In the spare time, if we get any, we do certain things to relax, if we are not busy taking care of our sleep deprivation!! If we take a close look at our so very well maintained priority list where is that "item number" representing "having quality time with friends" or "taking a break with our closed ones who are not close by"?  It somehow manages to show up on the list at the fag end of it, but almost completely unnoticed. Those "very rare" lonely face-offs with ourselves, are the time that we realize that it even exists in our list. Memories and more memories are what follow and it pushes us hard to feel the urge for spending time with them all over again; they, who are just left ignored on the way to our dreams.

But if we purposely take out time to be with them, to spend that "well deserved" quality time, as if we don't spend now we would never get another chance to be with them, does it cost a lot? Why do we have to see a lavish, larger than life movie "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara" to comprehend that? A long awaited & deserving break with friends and closed ones has it all to give life its true meaning. A short trip with an essence of reunion may reignite those bonds that were integral part of our daily life sometime back. Sometimes a short trip with our friends and family is what we need to augment those emotional connections once again, to feel human like and not like a robot anymore, to feel that life is not just daily a struggle for existence but a celebration; having our family and friends around, life is indeed a celebration. A trip meant for bonding and a lot more. A trip of rediscovering not only ourselves but our ties with those people who don't even complain to us of being forgotten. Starting from fighting for the window seat of the car to being adamant not to be pushed to the awesomely suffocating back seat; from sleeping unconsciously on each others' "as strong as ever shoulders" to ordering all types of food possible (as if this is our last meal on earth); from giggling over each others' funny food habits to returning back with grumpy faces, teary eyes but still putting up a smile as "if everything is just fine"- these are enough for us to have a change of heart. It is these that testify our real self and the true purpose of our life and reshuffles the priority list completely.

The unseen strings of attachment and bonding re-appears without even knowing. The very realization that "these are the moments that are food for life and we need to hold on to them", is what gets engraved on our soul forever. The rat race will not stop for us if we fall out, but friends would. And it is these little get-togethers, occasional trips, meet ups that give it "the well deserved" boost! It gives us the heavenly pleasure of stealing some moments for ourselves from this ruthless marathon called life.

We are all in one team, a team of affectionate, attached and bonded people who just forget to live while catching up with the speed of life; who are as hungry for love as ever but that gets hidden beneath the peer pressure of proving oneself. But realizations strike us hard occasionally and we run towards our beloved and grab them. And we know that they were always there silently waiting for us to express. This doesn't need to be told to the world but to be silently accepted by ourselves.
Till we again take out time from our busy life for ourselves, the moments need to stay very close to the heart! The realizations need to hold on to us and keep on fighting to knock us down all over again!

Saturday, 23 May 2015

whatever happens, happens for good!!!! Trust me...

This one is for a good friend!!! A short message:)
Things happen in life.To be precise, bad things do happen in life..we think, think and think...think harder..try to figure out the hidden significance behind it..try even harder to reason with it...but at the end of it what we get is no answer at all...what we realize is we wasted our present in thinking about something which we have no control over..Do involuntary happenings deserve so much of our time, energy and thinking???!!! Is it always necessary to find meanings in every shit thing that occur?..Does it actually work that way?..

Its an absolute "NO NO"...when we take so much of time to do shallow things like getting ready even for a "damn unimportant get together party", then how on earth we can even expect that we would know the significance of these important happenings of life ASAP?!! Its already scripted! so the time we know the reason WHY? is also pre-dicided and believe me it will come only after tasting your patience to the fullest..Not everything is easy..If it is, then what is the fun of life?!

A Mantra for enjoying life: Just go with the flow of life..Don't think why it happened? Just think that it happened for some good reason..some reason that would knock your door one fine morning and wake you up delighted, when you would have just decided to give up on reasoning with it...Till then just remember- "Life is like an ice cream, enjoy it before it melts" & "Whatever happens, happens for GOOD"...

Be Blessed!!!


Friday, 17 April 2015

No need to NAME it!!!

A few things in life don't come with a name..nothing to put in brackets...nothing explicit about them..sometimes you can't even pick a word from the huge Oxford Dictionary to describe it..strange right?!! But does it ever strike to us that these very few off-beat things, rather, relationships are the most beautiful and enjoyable relations in our life...They often come uninvited, and without even knocking the door of mind, heart & soul just enters..No name, no promises, no demands..they would just exist silently..they do all those things which seem to have opened doors for a new world...a new life..a new beginning...but are they permanent in life??? Are they real?? or we just try to think they are real where as they have just created a "temporary feel good wala virtual world" for you?..They don't come with responsibilities...they are free spirits around you which slowly makes you feel weak in your knees..and just waits for the moment your life becomes indispensable without them, "the famous can't do without you type feeling", when they finally calls it off!!! ???? WHY is it like that? is it all in our mind? Or they also want to be permanent residents but somehow the situation doesn't conform to it...
Let's not make it complicated further..Lets not think so much guys..Let's just flow with life..Let's heartily accept them so that they themselves will never feel like leaving..Lets enjoy the celebration called life...So why name them ourselves..Let's see how life names them...
Murphy's law need not to be validated everywhere..not every time...
CHEERS to them!!!!  

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Expectations!!!!Killers are they??!!

Try guessing your biggest enemy!!! Name a few (or many, depends on how bad you have been)..Is it someone who stole your first crush? A "once upon a time" friend who did some back stabbing and created a huge distance...or a classmate who somehow unfortunately managed to score more than you and pushed you down in the number game, or snatched away the prestigious glory  of being numero uno iat your workplace..and bla bla bla...But no..these are much trivial than the actual culprit...who again hides perfectly to be free of all accusations but peeps in every now and then...it is synonymous with our very existence..It is the "just can't help it wala feeling" of ours that is the sole enemey of our lives..the sole reason for all that complicates human minds and thus lives...The great "EXPECTATION" ...Yes, a deep thought, on the couch, with a jumbo mug of coffee and a pinch of loneliness would make you realize this agony...It is this expectation which comes into any relationship that you possess, unknowingly.. While you think that things are all going fine & let things flow without any constraints, the biggest constraint ever, expectations, have already obtained its foothold in the mind and growing faster than you can think of...Either you are happy (expectations met) or you are damn hurt (expectations not met)!!! Some people do understand our expectations and some are not even aware of them....and the story continues for every little relation we hold close to our heart!!!
Just give a thought!!! We are all in a rat race 24*7 in our individual domains..but this deserves a thought.. May be you will understand many things better which you ignored in the past...May be you reunite with people you got rid of for some silly reason...This deserves a thought..
Concluding I would just like to say that if any person can eliminate all expectations from someone, he deserves the prize of highest honor across the globe....


Tuesday, 14 April 2015

A sudden Feeling!!! Keeps coming & Going!!!!

What if on a random morning you have a feeling that you are not being yourself???!!!! You are in a cocoon which is invisible to every damn person except you...Rather you were ignorant towards it too...It is only this morning that you realized that there is another "you"..somebody who used to exist long back openly but now is just a silent resident in your subconscious mind...somebody who used to be a free spirit, not bound by anything in this world but just by herself..somebody remotely connected to you...who doesn't show up so easily but when it does it just shakes you and your world..
It brings with it memories lost long back, a judgement about the present...and puts a huge question mark on your "till now most probable and well planned " future...What about that?? How will you deal with it..? Confusion is what it creates and turbulence is what it adds to mind...
Feelings are feelings yaar!!! The most involuntary characteristic of human emotions...That's what it is..nothing to be blamed and no one to be blamed for..If this day passes by then again tomorrow is a new day..rather a new morning carrying signature of the same regular life..waiting for yet another day with a new realization...