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Saturday, 6 August 2016

My affair with the nights and the darkness in them






I have always loved the nights more than the day times..May be because of this unique character of darkness that keeps all your secrets safe and locked. It does not judge you..It does not question you why are you the way you are? It’s like my best friend, even more than a best friend. A best friend can still ditch you at times but the darkness doesn’t even know what does that mean. All it has got is acceptance and no denial..I hate the day times much more than I love the nights..It stares at me as if I am worthless..It makes me nervous about accepting my own self. The brutally judgmental light peeps into my conscience and tries to stir up my whole existence..The confidence that I gain from darkness is left shattered in the daytime..That’s why I don’t even like waking up in the mornings and all I do is cursing the normalcy of the sleep cycle..I hate that from the core of my heart..Perhaps I am the only person in this world who wants the entire span of 24 hours to be immersed in the serene darkness and make the light jobless.

Even love seems to be an ephemeral feeling that would stay forever in the darkness of the nights…Not even for an instance does it let the truth pop out that it would stay as long as the darkness prevails, that it is short-lived. Yes we do live in the this illusion of love-is-forever and nothing-can-change-our-love…and the darkness enhances that feeling altogether..rather it takes utmost care that our faith in these bookish and filmy illustrations of love remains intact…but how helpless it becomes when at dawn it has to bid goodbye to make space for light, who has got ideologies that are polar opposites?.. but still it leaves with a faint smile only to come back to restore the feelings which it knows would be knocked down by light…Who better than darkness knows what is the pain of loving someone in spite of knowing it will never be able to get united with that someone???? No one does and whenever my love life depresses and frustrates me I feel its agony and find mine much less compared to that. I calm down. I will always owe a lot to it..It will be my friend. It will be my guiding star. I know it will always come to my rescue. It is designed like that, to come back to me with all the hopes and above all to give illusions a real existence.